My heartbreak upgrade changed everything and put me on a path… straight to you.
In 2013 I had just sold a business in an industry I’d been a part of for almost 25 years. A few months after making the decision to sell that business I also realized that the marriage that I was in wasn’t what it was and that I wasn’t who I was. So within a few months of selling the business and leaving the industry that I’d helped develop I also got separated and divorced and went in about a space of six months had completely uprooted myself and as a result of choices that I made I found myself completely separated not only from the professional life that I’d developed but from a family that I’d been a part of and children I had helped to raise for 11 years.
As I reflect back on those choices I remember I remember vividly the feeling of loss and all of the feelings that came from that. Feeling so angry. Angry at myself, angry at others. Feeling so just do separated, like nobody really understood what I was going through. So I decided to go into the pain. I decided to go into the feeling of heartbreak and really understand what it was because I had never even heard of a pain that was this intense. That was an incredibly powerful time. And what I learned from that was how to alchemize, how to upgrade the pain of loss. And I realized the only thing that made me feel better the only things that made me feel more like me was when I was contributing.
When I was giving in a way that felt meaningful and genuine. So one day I grabbed my phone, and I think back then I had 300 friends on Facebook, and I just made this little video. And it was just sharing my thoughts and sharing my philosophy and things that made sense to me and had made my life work pretty well. And in the middle of that most painful time of my life I made this video. And I just felt better doing it. I didn’t do it to change the world. I didn’t do it to try and build a business. I just did it because it felt like it needed to be done and I did it because it was the only way that I could think of to get out of that pain of loss. And that pain of heartbreak.
A couple of days later that video had more shares than I had Facebook friends. And I realized that there’s something bigger than me that was at work here so I just started making videos. That form of contribution, that form of connection was very healing and I realized that heartbreak is not the feeling of love that we’re not getting.
Heartbreak is actually the feeling of love that we’re not giving. If we suppress that love that’s inside of us it coagulates, it stagnates and it hurts. And then sometimes, I know I did this, we start looking outside of ourselves for where can I go and get that love, where can I go and be loved. But that movement of energy is an inside out experience. And I don’t know where you’re at right now in your life regarding this whole heartbreak thing. But I do know that contribution and giving can be a very powerful way out of it.
So wherever you’re at right now on the full spectrum of this human experience that we’re having, just know that there’s always a way to shift. And if you feel alone, or if you feel lonely, that’s okay. It’s a part of this human experience. It just doesn’t have to be a permanent one. And you can make the choice today to switch that energy from feeling like you need more, to feeling it express out of you. Go give.
Go give in the smallest way. Go give and contribute in a way that feels right for you. Don’t worry about how big it seems. Don’t compare yourselves to other people. Just allow what’s inside of you to be expressed and I promise you you’ll begin to feel a shift, no matter where you’re at right now. No matter how amazing things might be or how amazingly hard it might seem, there’s always a way and maybe right now is the moment that you begin to make that change.